There’s a Chinese proverb that says, “When the winds of change blow, some put up a wall while others build a windmill.”
When we had this inkling that my husband would be laid off from his job, I had this overwhelming sense of peace about it. In my heart, I knew that God had other plans for us, for my husband. I knew before he even took the job that it wouldn’t last. It’s not who he is. It’s not his talent or gift from God to fill the shoes he’d stepped into. Yet, I believed, as I still do, that God was preparing him for the next stage of our journey in life.
However, I honestly never thought it would take this long. And here I am standing with my head against the wall just like the woman in the photo above. At first I told myself, its no problem, this switching roles, it’s temporary.
But with each passing day it feels more permanent, more severing.
This week is the Scholastic Book Fair at the kids’ school. I’ve volunteered each year for the past few years. I love assisting the kids in finding just the right book, and watching their eyes light up with excitement as they can’t wait to read it.
Not this year.
Not only has my husband taken my place at the book fair, he’s volunteering all week-long.
Here, I smack my head against the wall again.
Here, the winds of change keep blowing and I am pressed against the wall. For days, sometimes even a week, I find small crevices that I may grip and pull myself up. I climb, hoping to scale over the top, but it is days like this that I lose my hold and find myself looking up at where I’d once been.
There is no prayer strong enough to break this wall, yet. I keep asking, “Why, Lord?”, “When, Lord?”, “How can I overcome this, Lord?”
I know my husband is not to blame.I know that these changes are inevitable, that I can stand and allow it to slam me against the wall, or I can turn like the windmill and allow it to carry me away. But until I can make this wall go away, I look back mournfully, wishing that were me, and praying that God soon switches our roles back.
So, I repeat this little verse from Psalms to myself each day, “This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.”
What is it that you do to help you get through the tough times?